"Do not pity the dead, pity the living and above all… those who live without love."
The Beginning of the End
While looking up Russian authors to read in my spare time, I found “Poem of the End” by Marina Tsvetaeva and I really quite liked it. Although this is only a translation, her words seem to jump off the page and gain substance right before your very eyes, but that’s not why I chose it to do this blog. It was for the most part, her title, which reminded me of a truth that I found only about a week ago.
The beginning a new school year is usually frightening if you are not a returning SOCES student. As this is my last year at school I found it neither surprising nor saddening to know that this was my last year of high school. So I went along my day, meeting my new teachers and getting aquatinted with the new material. Walking down the halls indifferently and taking in all changes quite well. By my final class for the day, I had already had enough and was ready to go home and take a nice long nap. Then at 3:00, I herd the saddest comment I had herd all day. At 3:00, the bell rang and my friend said “well I hope you guys had a nice day because this was your last first day of high school.” I sat petrified in my seat as my brain started to swallow the words he had said. People had been saying stuff like this all day, crying over what marks the beginning of the year. It had indeed been the beginning, but it was the beginning of the end.
Up until that point at 3:00 I was feeling fine, no emotions and no sorrow over the fact that today WAS the beginning of the end of our high school careers. I guess it was something about my friends’ comment that made it all so real, almost as if his comment was the piece of hay that broke the donkeys back. From then on I began to wonder about what it would be like past the gates of my high school. Would the kids at college be worse or better than the students here? Would life just get easier or harder? And the most important question, what would happen to me? It has been eight years that I have been attending this school and to leave it would mean to leave the comfort that it possesses. There would be no more lunchtime where friends could get together and gossip about the meanest teacher around. There would be no more familiar faces in the classrooms, both of teacher and of student. And most of all, there would be no more seniority. I would have to walk into college as a complete and total stranger.
Now even though all of this stuff seems a bit frightening, some of those things dont seem too bad. I mean I wouldn’t mind walking into a new school with a fresh start and I can always take a friend with me to class if I really wanted. There is more freedom out there and that is what I crave the most. Flexibility and freedom. Then in a few years, I will just get used to it and eventually college will become just like high school. So what am I so worried about? I am going to be just fine, after all…. I am just Oh So OSO.