A Life for the Living

"Do not pity the dead, pity the living and above all… those who live without love."

A Happy Marriage

Recently, I have been looking around and seeing all of these people being filling for divorce or people who are already divorced. So recently I started thinking about what it might be like when I’m married and if I would make the same mistakes. Then I went online and searched for the top things that can split a mariage. I came across this website and decided that I could use them in my relationships with people as well as disperse it to married couples to make their marriages can be better. I copy and pasted an excerpt from the article down below.

1. Talking badly about your spouse. One of the things that my husband and I agreed on when we got married was that we would not talk badly about each other to other people. When we have a problem we discuss it with each other instead of others. Occasionally we discuss problems with family but try to focus on positive attributes as well.

2. Repeating the same behaviors. If your spouse is constantly asking
you to take out the garbage can or you continue to use the same degrading tone then you are showing your spouse that you are not willing to change. You are in effect saying that you have no remorse for your actions. It is hard to break bad habits but being willing to try is half the battle.

3. Talking at your spouse. Oftentimes one partner will talk at their spouse instead of with their spouse. Talking at your spouse means that you don’t take time to listen to the other person. You tell them what you want or expect instead of discussing the situation. This type of talk puts your spouse on the defensive and is insulting. If your spouse is tense and avoids conversations chances you have been talking at them instead of with them.

4. Not listening. Listening is so important. That means when your spouse is talking that you stop and really listen. It is so easy to tune a person out when you are busy or the subject matter is not a topic you are interested in. My husband loves jeeps and dirt bikes. As a result his conversation often revolves around these topics. I really try to listen to him because I know it is important to him, even though it doesn’t interest me much. I now know quite a bit about the topics myself. 

5. Not saying please and thank you. It is easy to forget these simple words. But using them acknowledges that you appreciate your spouse and recognize the things that they do for you. It also shows that you are appreciative instead of demanding. Your spouse will be more likely to do things for you when you say please and thank you. Read More…

I find that most of these habits are the tiny cracks in the mirror that eventually break it. Think about it. How can you be married and not have respect for one another, or trust one another, or not listen? Why get married at all? I think that these little habits are important to think about while in the couples stage. If more than three of them are being executed then I think marriage is not an option. There are so many couples in the world that get married of the sake of being married either because of their culture, age, or longing to fill their empty home but thats not right. People should get married under the right circumstances. Love. Respect. Mutual agreement. And most of all, equality.

Now I am certainly no expert on marriage but I have seen a plethora of them in order to form this opinion. A mariage cannot survie unless there is equality among the spouses. But thats not to say that both have to work the same amount and bring the same amount of income and split everything 50/50 because that also has its problems. I am saying that each spouse has to have their own part, their own share in making a house into a home. It can’t be that one cleans the house while the other goes and wrecks it or while one saves and the other spends it. Nor can it be while one turns the house into a home while the other sits and does nothing. Each has to bring something to the table. That is the foundation of a GOOD marriage.

Then in order to have a GREAT marriage, there must be something in between the spouses. Be it love, kindness, or respect there has to be some sort of feeling felt by both. More importantly, it has to be expressed. Sure, you could say the words all you want but those are sort of a short term feeling. It is only with actions that you are able to project how you feel. You have to let your spouse know how much you care and how much love you are willing to give out. Or in other situations, how you respect who their space and respect them as a person. Without any sort of emotion tied into a marriage, the foundation doesn’t matter.

If all that has passed then there is the matter of maintenance. Small things like being able to solve problems in between and knowing when its time to bite your tongue, after all, there is the matter of spending the rest of life with one another. There is also the matter of actually SOLVING problems rather than pushing them under the rug. Love and respect are very powerful but without talking with one another to solve problems, all of these unexpected feelings rise up from the past and then it becomes unclear why things feel that way. No, it is much better to solve through a problem rather than evade it because even outside of marriage, it has been proven that bottling up feelings or acting like they are thrown away creates problems in the long run.

So there you have it, Oso’s advice on how to keep a marriage together. It’s unfortunate I can’t start preaching this stuff, not that anybody would listen. There are so many people who I see that don’t deserve to have a marriage and then there are those poor souls who are so longing to have one but aren’t able to because they haven’t met the right person. I just wish and hope for those people so they can be happy.

Sources:

Improve Your Marriage

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